Tl:dr I almost ran someone off the road because I was finally fed up with all the bullshit and realized how unhealthy I am managing my job and life. I regret it and it’s a bad idea.
So after 18 months of trucking I finally had my first emotional outburst at an impatient four-wheeler. This was shocking to me, I have always been a patient and calm driver even before getting my CDL. I guess, the long hours, constant BS on the road and at shippers, loneliness, bad diet and sleep finally got to me. Coupled with personal life issues, I was in a terrible mood and almost ran them off the road. It was a wake up call to me, this wasn’t the kind of person I wanted to be.
You know how it goes, I’m passing two trucks governed at 65 while im governed at 70. As usual, 15 seconds later a pack of four wheelers zooms up behind me tailgating. My plan was to move over between the two trucks to let them pass. Of course, just as I have enough room to merge without cutting off truck #1, the first guy riding my ass zooms over trying to pass me in the right lane. So I try moving over quickly to prevent this. But actually what happened was I was fed up with that shit and I swerved over angrily and almost ran him off the road. To teach him a lesson you know? That’ll show him.
After a few minutes I calmed down, and began to see how idiotic, childish, and needlesly destructive I had been. An impatient four wheeler isn’t nearly as bad as an insane truck driver. It was pointless, I wasn’t “teaching” him anything but to be angry and disrespect truckers even more. We only see situations through our own narrow, self-centered perspective, and we have a desire to protect our feelings. So we lie, embellish stories, exaggerate things, to make ourselves look better, or like we are the victim and not the perpetrator. Then we tell those lies to our friends and family to get them on our side.
Even if I had no blame on my shoulders, the four-wheeler would still probably gossip lies about it and thus even more people would disrespect truckers. Also, I have no idea who I was dealing with, the guy could’ve been even more unstable than me and maybe had a gun. And of course I could’ve died, killed someone, sent to prison, lose my cdl over it etc. I regret what I did and it’s time to look at my life circumstances, the way I run my truck (i know you dont have to get bad sleep and diet as a trucker or be lonely), maybe see a therapist, meditate, exercise, talk to people more etc. If that doesn’t work maybe it’s time to take a break from trucking.
